Holistic Spiritual Coaching

I have recently completed yet another course in energy healing. I’m a total courseaholic, I admit, and I take full responsibility with no intention of stopping. The course is called Facelift by Access Consciousness and it works with the principle that:

“Every time you look in the mirror and judge what you see, your cells remember and lock that judgment into your face and body.”

Say what? All that judgement I hold about myself gets locked into my body and shows on my face?

That got me thinking. If this is true for our physical appearance, where else does self-judgment leave its imprint?

What about our general health, our body and organs?

What about the way we carry ourselves: the way we shrink ourselves to the size of a peanut so that we don’t attract too much attention or rock the boat?

What about when we hesitate before speaking, or second-guess a decision we were excited about just moments before?

What about the constant mental chatter telling us we should be doing more, being more, looking better, achieving faster?

Self-judgment is so sneaky that we often don’t even recognize it. The critical voice has become way too familiar. It’s woven into our daily thoughts, shaping how we see ourselves, how we interact with the world, and what we believe we’re capable of.

We think it’s who WE ARE. But it’s NOT, never has been and never will be.

Once we start to notice it, we can begin to shift it.

Why it’s so damaging

Judgment—especially self-judgment—is one of the greatest ways we limit ourselves. It’s also the most cruel thing we can do to ourselves. It keeps us stuck in a cycle of proving, fixing, and never fully embracing who we are.

Think about it: when was the last time you held yourself back because you feared being judged?

And what happens when you shrink into a peanut to fit other people’s box? You become miserable and depressed. Which in turn will sure ignite tons of judgement you were trying to avoid in the first place: Pull yourself together! Cheer up! Try harder!

(Hint: depression is often a sign of supressing your power.)

But what if the harshest bully wasn’t them, but actually you?

The more you judge yourself, the more you disconnect from your true essence. Instead of tuning into your gifts, intuition, and possibilities, you shrink under the weight of your own criticism.

Now here’s a twist: you might think your judgement is right, since you keep failing, giving up, meeting abusive people, not getting anywhere with your life etc. See, told you I’m not good enough?

But what if you choose these experiences subconsciously to prove your self-judgement right? What if you sabotage your own happiness? We are energetic beings and even if we are not always consciously aware we do pick up on other people’s energy and internal dialogue. So people around you will always reflect back to you what you think of yourself.

But what if nothing about you needs fixing? What if, beneath the layers of judgment, you are already enough?

The inner critic keeps you in check by telling the lie that it’s keeping you safe and protected. However, the truth is that judgment only leads to shame and hesitation. And when you’re stuck in self-judgment, you can’t fully be who you truly are.

So how do you know when you’re caught in self-judgment? Here are some signs to watch for.

How self-judgment shows up

It isn’t just about criticizing how you look or wishing you were different. Because it’s rooted in your subconscious mind, self-judgment weaves itself into your daily life in ways you might not even notice.

Have you ever noticed that quiet, persistent voice making you second-guess yourself, hesitate before speaking, or shrink away from opportunities that actually excite you?

Ever caught yourself scrolling through social media, feeling like everyone else has their life together? That’s self-judgment in the form of comparison. It whispers, Why aren’t you doing more? Why don’t you look like that? What’s wrong with me?

When did you decide that you are less than others? Would you be open to question that?

Instead of appreciating where you are, who you are, the gifts that you have, you make yourself feel behind, as if you’re somehow failing at life just because your journey looks different.

I said different! Not less. Not worse.

Then there’s perfectionism, the belief that if something isn’t done flawlessly, it’s not worth doing at all. Have you ever dreamed of starting something new, whether it’s a creative project, a business, or simply a new hobby, but you hold back because What if I mess up? What if I fail? What if it doesn’t turn out the way I want it?

Instead of taking a chance, you stay stuck, convincing yourself you’re just not ready yet.

Would you rather be perfect or a work of art in progress? Which one has more potential, openness and joy?

Self-judgment also sneaks in through over-apologizing, saying sorry when you haven’t actually done anything wrong.

It’s like constantly apologising for your existence, for taking up space, for having needs, or even for expressing emotions. The message underneath? I’m too much. I should shrink myself to make others comfortable. I should make myself invisible.

How often do you hesitate before sending a message, before sharing an idea, before stepping into something unfamiliar? Not because you don’t have something valuable to offer, but because a voice inside questions whether it’s good enough.

The fear of judgment from others becomes so ingrained and intense that you start pre-emptively judging yourself first.

(Psst, a hint: if someone judges you it’s often because you’re doing something RIGHT, and they feel they are not capable of that.)

Also, when you fear being judged you give your power away to them and hence become easy target to manipulators.

So, when did you decide that their opinion matters more than yours? Would you be open to question that?

Little by little, these patterns chip away at your confidence. They keep you small, hesitant, and disconnected from your own worth.

But what if you started noticing them?

What if you met yourself with kindness instead of criticism?

Recognizing self-judgment is the first step to breaking free from its grip.

How to spot and stop self-judgment

The good news? Judgment isn’t real, it’s just a learned habit.

Have you ever seen a judgemental baby? Nope. See, you weren’t born with it either.

And like any habit, it can be changed. The moment you start questioning it, you begin to break free.

Catch it in the moment

Have you ever found yourself thinking, I should be better at this or Why am I like this?? Those thoughts can spiral fast, pulling you into the rabbit hole of self-doubt in a blink of an eye. Next time one of them pops up:

PAUSE!

Instead of automatically believing it, simply notice it. Question it.

Imagine holding it in your hands like an object, something separate from you. The more you observe your thoughts instead of identifying with them, the more power you have to shift them.

Ask: ‘Who does this belong to?’

Many of the judgments you carry aren’t even yours. They were passed down from parents, teachers, or society. That little voice that says You should work harder, You’re not doing enough, or You need to be more like them. Where did it come from?

If it feels heavy, it’s probably not yours. The next time a judgment arises, ask yourself, Is this even mine?

If not, imagine gently returning it to wherever it came from. You don’t have to carry it anymore.

Interesting point of view

Have you ever noticed that if many people go through the same situation they will all have a different point of view about it?

You see the world as you are, not as it is. Your points of view shapes your reality. Reality does not create your point of view.

So what if every judgement you hold about yourself was just another interesting point of view?

Try this, my favourite judgment slayer: every time you catch yourself in judgement of yourself tell yourself: Interesting point of view I have this point of view.

Does it make you feel lighter or heavier? Does it open you up energetically or shut you down? If it makes you feel lighter and more open then play with it and see how much judgement you can shift with it.

Celebrate what’s right

Self-judgment makes you hyper-aware of what you think is wrong with you. What if you shifted that awareness to what’s right?

You can start by holding the question: ‘What’s right about me I’m not getting?’

Then notice and appreciate the things you do well. Have you handled a tough conversation with kindness? Have you said ‘no’ when you wanted to instead of going down the well trodden path of people pleasing ?

Even tiny wins count. The more you recognize what’s great about you, the less room judgment has to take over.

Stop trying to be perfect

At the root most self-judgement holds the belief that I’m not good enough. Therefore I need to keep proving everyone that it’s not true, before they recognise how flawed I actually am.

So, for a change, would you be willing to not only not be good enough, but be the absolute worst. Be the worst mum, worst employee, the worst wife, the worst cook etc.

What I mean by that is, would you be open to accepting your humanness, with all of its attributes?

Whenever we chase perfection we lock ourselves into the duality of “rightness” and “wrongness”. What if both were just a point of view? What if nothing about you was ultimately right or wrong?

Would you rather be perfect or would you rather be happy and free?

A final thought

What if nothing about you is actually wrong? What if, instead of constantly trying to fix yourself, you could recognize your unique brilliance?

Self-judgment isn’t truth, it never has been and never will be. It’s just a pattern. And patterns can change. So, the next time your inner critic speaks up, take a breath and ask yourself:

What if I could just be me, without judgment?

Because being You is already enough. 💖

PS: for some extra tool and tips for shifting the inner narrative check out my free workbook: https://bit.ly/4iiP3p0